The Trouble with Self-Esteem
Hey Fab Fam!
Coming soon: I have a story about how my car was held hostage by an insurance fraud crime ring. I did some internet sleuthing and, well, damn. I found about a dozen companies involved in this whole thing and even stumbled upon the name of the attorney who is clearly helping this ring operate at the very edge of the law. This will likely be a series of posts, so stay tuned if true crime is your jam. Just, do me a favor? If I suddenly go dark, please notify the authorities. I don’t have a death wish so I will not be providing names as I reveal what I have learned. I just have a general recommendation that even in your worst moment you should never turn the keys of your wrecked car over to a wreck chaser, no matter how nice they seem and even if the cops on the scene look the other way. It’s not a good move.
And now, I bring you the topic of the day. I had a quick chat with a family friend who has become essentially a cousin to me. We hadn’t spoken in quite some time and had a lot of catching up to do. I was glad to hear he’s doing well, happily involved with a woman he clearly adores despite his inability to admit it, and he is satisfied in his job. The conversation then turned to me and what I’m doing. We chatted about my career, academic aspirations, and plans for my home renovation. (After consulting with the mortgage broker I have used twice before, I decided to stay put and continue making renovations to my existing home. There will be a roof deck and hot tub in the back yard. Hell yes.) Then, my cousin asked me if I’m still single. I’m sure you can guess how the conversation went from there.
I told my cousin that my last date ended with my car nearly being totaled, exposing me to the wrath of a local crime ring (again, more coming soon). I also talked about the endless mansplaining, wooing from men who are logistically and physically unavailable, the random text messages from men who feel compelled to inform me that I’m beautiful (because, apparently, they think I need them to tell me this). I also mentioned how one of my former suitors remarked that he needs to “show me” New Jersey. Yup, that’s right. I was born in Brooklyn, lived in NYC for twenty years, and have lived in Philly since 2013. The guy knew this. Yet, he assumed I’m naive to New Jersey and HE is going to be the one to enlighten me. I told the guy I went to middle school and high school in Jersey - something I don’t like to confess. Even though he had been unaware of that, I found it extremely peculiar he would assume that Jersey is some exotic place I have yet to explore. I had dinner last night with a friend of mine who is from southern Oklahoma. Even she has spent time in New Jersey. In fact, she and I visited New Jersey many times together over the past summer to take long walks on the beach. I could probably show that guy around Jersey. But hey, I guess he thinks I need a man to open my eyes to the world that is literally forty minutes outside my window (in traffic).
My cousin noted that the pitch of my voice increased about an octave as I was complaining about the never ending condescension. “All right, all right,” he said. Then, he uttered something so profoundly blunt and smart that I nearly spit out my coffee. He said, “You know what your problem is, compared to other single women your age? You have self-esteem.”
Shit. He’s right. In my previous post, I observed how significant it is that my last partner is the best product on the shelf. But, the market is totally fucked for any woman who wants more than the best of the worst. That’s somehow simultaneously funny and so damn sad.
In May of 2020 I coined the phrase, “pandemically fucked,” while speaking about ambiguous medical problems that can’t be put in a neat box and easily treated. Now I think that term captures the essence of my dating outlook. Help! I have just written to the Bentley driver. I’ll just hit him if he dares to take away my fries again.
